To Baptize or Not to Baptize, That is the Question

In the Catholic church, you are taught that Baptism is the sacrament that saves a child from purgatory. My Mom tells a story of how the Nuns in the hospital instructed them to sprinkle water on infants who were not baptized and at risk of death, just in case a priest could not be called in time. My father says that the Baptists believe that you should not be baptized until you are an adult as Jesus and John the Baptist never baptized children. Regardless of your religious affiliation, Baptism is a right of passage and a statement of your faith and membership into a particular church. So what is a parent to do if he/she has no interest in joining or participating in a particular church?

I have spent the past six years really searching for what I believe and how I want to live my life. This search has not led me to the door of any church even though I have including reading of various church doctrines in my attempt to discover my faith. Bill Maher once scoffed at people who say that they are not religious but spiritual, and I have thought about that statement for quite a while during this journey. What does it mean to be spiritual or faithful? What am I faithful to? What spirits do I believe in if any? I have come to a point where I cannot say what I believe or express how I feel inside. All I can say is that I "am," and I am trying every day to "be."

Last night, I read a passage from my daily meditations by Anthony DeMello that stated:
"Why do you travel so little?" a reporter asked.
"To look into the face of just one person or thing every day of the year and never fail to find something new in it-that is a greater adventure by far than any travel canoffer," said the Master
Every time I look into my son's face I see something new, something amazing, something unexpressable. I am in awe that he is here, that I had a major part in bringing him into this world, and that the effort of creating his life was a partnership with the person with whom I share all of my hopes and dreams.

Baptism is a ritual focused on the child, but I believe that it is we that need the baptism and not the child. The baby is perfect inside and out. The baby sees the world with fresh and awestruck eyes. It is we who are trying to get back to that awareness, that purity, that point where we are washed of our impurities. Maybe instead of baptisizig the baby, we should wash away our sins in an attempt to be more like the child who has just entered the world.

These are the Moments

There is nothing sweeter than a baby sleeping, cooing, or smiling. Luke smiles at me for the first time on Friday. He gas smiled before, but Friday he really focused in on my eyes and smiled, twice. My heart melted.

It is amazing when you are home with your newborn that it is your sole job to care for them, amazing and daunting. Amazing that you have the opportunity to focus solely on this little person who has just entered the world and daunting because it is the most challenging job I have ever had.

Luke has started to nap in his crib, and he will now sit in his vibrating seat with out you having to bounce it at the same time. When we first brought him home, he didn't want to be put down, so we held him non-stop. It is amazing what 5 weeks will do.

I keep reading how Mom's can tell the difference between a baby's cries. I am still a little clueless when it comes to that, But, we have managed to start getting on a 3-hour schedule of eat, wake, sleep. Sometimes it is just eat and sleep, and I am still clueless as to what a baby wants to do during the wake part. But, I hope that will all become clear as he becomes more and more aware.

He has started to coo, and I have started to mimic him, which I think he likes. They are the sweetest sounds, and I am desperately trying to capture them on video as I know some day when he is 16 and telling me that I can't possibly understand him, I can watch the video and remember a time when we communicate without words.

This morning, John and I were trying to get just a few more minutes of sleep. John had Luke under his arm cuddled next to him and Luke was fussing. I put my face down next to his and I stroked his hand. He quieted, and I'd like to think that it was because of my breath, my touch, and my smell. Something magical between him and me, something no one else could share. These are the moments I am so thankful to have.

Baby Blues

Emotions are an amazing thing. Not just emotions, but hormones. With pregnancy comes very real, very obvious hormonal changes that can manifest in exhaustion, nausea, and any other manner of physical ailments. After the baby is born, the hormones are still wreaking havoc, but the manifestation is less physical and more mental.

Pregnant women are known to get emotional, but I have never felt such a strong surge and swing of emotions as those after pregnancy. I find myself unable to talk about certain subjects without breaking down, and although I was known to get a little misty while I was pregnant, I never had so significant a breakdown as those that have come postpartum.

Exhaustion is part of the problem, but even without exhaustion, the hormone changes still rule moments of the day. The experts call it the "baby blues" and 4 out of 5 women are affected by these changes. That means anyone who experiences this phenomenon is in good company, but I am not sure that is much of a comfort at 2 in the morning when your baby is crying and you are not sure what to do to make him feel better.

That is the challenge, making a very small person who can't tell you what is wrong feel better and knowing all the while that even if he could tell you may not be able to do anything. Babies are fussy and they cry. It makes you sympathize for all of those women who "dropped their basket" and at the same time feel proud that you have managed to keep yours.

The difficulty with all of these feelings is that they are feelings, not something physical. No one can see what you are going through, and it is scary to have these very strong and difficult feelings coursing through you with no end in sight. You know what is happening, you can rationalize it, but it doesn't make it any easier or less scary.

The good news is that because you recognize these emotions for what they are, worry about them, and try to verbalize what is happening, that lump in your throat, the sad feelings, the worries, you know that you are o.k. You will get through it, and the sad moment don't outnumber the good moments.

You take a deep breath of your sleeping baby's smell and relish the moment knowing that in a blink of an eye you will be longing for these emotional days and the little one who can't say it but who loves you the most out of anyone in the entire world.