Emotions are an amazing thing. Not just emotions, but hormones. With pregnancy comes very real, very obvious hormonal changes that can manifest in exhaustion, nausea, and any other manner of physical ailments. After the baby is born, the hormones are still wreaking havoc, but the manifestation is less physical and more mental.
Pregnant women are known to get emotional, but I have never felt such a strong surge and swing of emotions as those after pregnancy. I find myself unable to talk about certain subjects without breaking down, and although I was known to get a little misty while I was pregnant, I never had so significant a breakdown as those that have come postpartum.
Exhaustion is part of the problem, but even without exhaustion, the hormone changes still rule moments of the day. The experts call it the "baby blues" and 4 out of 5 women are affected by these changes. That means anyone who experiences this phenomenon is in good company, but I am not sure that is much of a comfort at 2 in the morning when your baby is crying and you are not sure what to do to make him feel better.
That is the challenge, making a very small person who can't tell you what is wrong feel better and knowing all the while that even if he could tell you may not be able to do anything. Babies are fussy and they cry. It makes you sympathize for all of those women who "dropped their basket" and at the same time feel proud that you have managed to keep yours.
The difficulty with all of these feelings is that they are feelings, not something physical. No one can see what you are going through, and it is scary to have these very strong and difficult feelings coursing through you with no end in sight. You know what is happening, you can rationalize it, but it doesn't make it any easier or less scary.
The good news is that because you recognize these emotions for what they are, worry about them, and try to verbalize what is happening, that lump in your throat, the sad feelings, the worries, you know that you are o.k. You will get through it, and the sad moment don't outnumber the good moments.
You take a deep breath of your sleeping baby's smell and relish the moment knowing that in a blink of an eye you will be longing for these emotional days and the little one who can't say it but who loves you the most out of anyone in the entire world.
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Sara those emotions and feelings still run strong when the baby is 10 months and don't worry about it. As everyone told me, welcome to mommyhood and the ups and downs that come with it. You still have no idea sometimes why they are crying and screaming at the top of their lungs and what to do for them. Just go with your instinct and advice that the nurses gave you before leaving the hospital. Sometimes the only thing they want is mommy to cuddle them and talk to them. You are a wonderful mommy and take it one day at a time.
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