In a two parent family, I don't think enough gets said about the single parenting phenomenon. Now, I do not want to take anything away from single parents who do not have a significant other to share the parenting duties with, but I must stand up for those of us who often parent alone without the support of our SO.
What is happening is in today's family with two parents, many of those parents are working and their schedules are sometimes manipulated to allow for baby to have less time in daycare. In my situation, my SO works nights and one weekend day, while I work days and am off on the weekends. This allows baby to be with a parent for 21 out of 24 hours 5 days a week with one parent on duty all day on weekend day and both parents available the other weekend day, unless my SO gets scheduled for another weekend day, which sometimes happens (sigh).
This means that my SO and I spend a great deal of time with baby all by ourselves with no support or anyone to turn to when you need a break or to eat dinner. We are very fortunate to have family around, but life and baby's schedule requires you to be home and getting life stuff done, so family only goes so far.
What this schedule creates is a lot of stress on the parents, which I have to believe is similar to the stress felt by parents going it alone. I don't know what anyone else thinks, but I think we should give it up for all of the time any parent spends going it alone.
Monday, March 15, 2010
Thursday, March 11, 2010
Got Milk?
As any Mom will tell you, routine is the key. Routine is not the key for baby, but they key for you to ensure that all of babies needs are met and that he stays healthy, happy, and you manage to not pull your hair out. Change the schedule and Mom could quite easily lose it.
I have a set routine of getting up, getting baby ready for the day, going to work, picking up baby from the Grandparents, going home, getting all baby items ready for the next day (i.e. bottles and pump parts washed, bottles set up, etc.), and getting baby and myself to sleep in order to do it all again the next day. My partner works at night, so he takes care of baby in the morning. In some ways we are very much like single parents, but the schedule works as baby gets a lot of one-on-one time with us and the Grandparents.
Tuesday was a typical day, left work, went to the Grandparents' to pick up baby, had dinner, left the Grandparents', went to the grocery store to pick up items we had already run out of, and then went home. I walk in the door with baby, who by the way is already ready for bed, set down all of the bags required to support baby throughout the day, and got ready to unpack bottles to wash and milk to fill the clean bottles. No milk! I did not have my bag of milk.
See, it was an unusually warm day, so when I went to pick up baby I brought the milk bag in to the Grandparents' so that there was no way or anything bad to happen to it. I don't usually do this because the weather has been so cold that the interior of my car is typically colder than a refridgerator. Needless to say, I packed up baby and left without the milk.
I was furious. Furious at myself, furious with the fact that I have to pump in the first place, furious that I parent alone at night, which means I don't have a back up when I do stupid things like leave the milk at the Grandparents' house. Just furious. At this point baby is ready for a bath and sleep ASAP. He is in no mood to get back in the car, but Grandpa turns his ringer off when he watches baby and he often forgets to turn it back on, so I was unable to get in touch with him. Grandma was still at work and not answering her phone. I frantically called them over and over, all the while baby is getting more and more agitated that I am deviating from the schedule.
Finanlly, I pack baby up in the car, he starts crying, and I start the drive to the Grandparents' house. I am not two minutes away from my house when Grandma calls. She can hear baby in the background and quickly says the milk will be brought. About ten minutes later, Grandpa pulls up, knight in silver pick-up truck. I have never been so thankful.
Baby gets a bath and bed, Mom's got milk, and another lesson in parenting comes to an end.
I have a set routine of getting up, getting baby ready for the day, going to work, picking up baby from the Grandparents, going home, getting all baby items ready for the next day (i.e. bottles and pump parts washed, bottles set up, etc.), and getting baby and myself to sleep in order to do it all again the next day. My partner works at night, so he takes care of baby in the morning. In some ways we are very much like single parents, but the schedule works as baby gets a lot of one-on-one time with us and the Grandparents.
Tuesday was a typical day, left work, went to the Grandparents' to pick up baby, had dinner, left the Grandparents', went to the grocery store to pick up items we had already run out of, and then went home. I walk in the door with baby, who by the way is already ready for bed, set down all of the bags required to support baby throughout the day, and got ready to unpack bottles to wash and milk to fill the clean bottles. No milk! I did not have my bag of milk.
See, it was an unusually warm day, so when I went to pick up baby I brought the milk bag in to the Grandparents' so that there was no way or anything bad to happen to it. I don't usually do this because the weather has been so cold that the interior of my car is typically colder than a refridgerator. Needless to say, I packed up baby and left without the milk.
I was furious. Furious at myself, furious with the fact that I have to pump in the first place, furious that I parent alone at night, which means I don't have a back up when I do stupid things like leave the milk at the Grandparents' house. Just furious. At this point baby is ready for a bath and sleep ASAP. He is in no mood to get back in the car, but Grandpa turns his ringer off when he watches baby and he often forgets to turn it back on, so I was unable to get in touch with him. Grandma was still at work and not answering her phone. I frantically called them over and over, all the while baby is getting more and more agitated that I am deviating from the schedule.
Finanlly, I pack baby up in the car, he starts crying, and I start the drive to the Grandparents' house. I am not two minutes away from my house when Grandma calls. She can hear baby in the background and quickly says the milk will be brought. About ten minutes later, Grandpa pulls up, knight in silver pick-up truck. I have never been so thankful.
Baby gets a bath and bed, Mom's got milk, and another lesson in parenting comes to an end.
Wednesday, February 17, 2010
Working
It's not getting easier... I am wondering if it is because women give birth to babies or if it is some hormonal difference between men and women, but it is not getting easier to leave baby, and I know my SO is much more comfortable with periodic separation from him. Don't get me wrong, he is definitely attached to the little guy and has moments where he hates to leave him in order to go to work, but I have to tear myself away each and every morning.
Every morning, I think to myself, "How can figure out a way to not have to go." I see his little face lying there, and I hope that he won't be sad when he wakes up and finds me gone. I wish it would get easier.
Every morning, I think to myself, "How can figure out a way to not have to go." I see his little face lying there, and I hope that he won't be sad when he wakes up and finds me gone. I wish it would get easier.
Wednesday, February 3, 2010
Oh Yeah!
As a parent, milestones in your child's life are very important, but you try not to put so much stock into them that you drive yourself and your child crazy. Luke has been progressing along just fine. He was not early to roll over, but he made it before the 6-month mark. He is working on sitting up, but he still topples over. Just the usual baby progression. Exciting for the parent and textbook for the time frame.
John and I, as parents do, have been repeating words and sentences to Luke in order to ensure that his communication progress on time. My phrase typically include, "Would you like to get up?" "Up please." "Where is your nose?" " Where is Tigger's nose?" "This is Mommy's nose." John's phrases on the other hand are a little less traditional, "Can you say photosynthesis?"
John's favorite phrase for Luke is "Oh, yeah!" He says it to him all of the time, when they are playing, when he is changing Luke, and every time in between. One day he was changing Luke and he swore Luke said it. I of course did not believe him and stating that the word "Oh" sounds just like most of Luke's babbling baby talk. John of course said he did hear it and that Luke's first words were "Oh, yeah."
Then one afternoon, John and I were sitting on the couch watching Luke in his bouncer. He was really going to town, laughing, jumping hysterically, and having a really good time. John looked at Luke and said, "Oh yeah!" Luke paused, looked at us, and opened his mouth. I swear, as clear as a bell, the words "Oh, yeah!" came out.
It was like watching the eTrade commercials, you hear the words, you see the lips move but something doesn't seem quite right. But, I did hear it and see it. "Oh, yeah!" Luke said and then continued bouncing. You could have knocked me over with a feather.
My baby has not spoken since that day, at least I haven;t heard him. John may be teaching him Spanish now for all I know. But, I have down in his baby book that at 24 weeks his first words were "Oh, yeah!"
John and I, as parents do, have been repeating words and sentences to Luke in order to ensure that his communication progress on time. My phrase typically include, "Would you like to get up?" "Up please." "Where is your nose?" " Where is Tigger's nose?" "This is Mommy's nose." John's phrases on the other hand are a little less traditional, "Can you say photosynthesis?"
John's favorite phrase for Luke is "Oh, yeah!" He says it to him all of the time, when they are playing, when he is changing Luke, and every time in between. One day he was changing Luke and he swore Luke said it. I of course did not believe him and stating that the word "Oh" sounds just like most of Luke's babbling baby talk. John of course said he did hear it and that Luke's first words were "Oh, yeah."
Then one afternoon, John and I were sitting on the couch watching Luke in his bouncer. He was really going to town, laughing, jumping hysterically, and having a really good time. John looked at Luke and said, "Oh yeah!" Luke paused, looked at us, and opened his mouth. I swear, as clear as a bell, the words "Oh, yeah!" came out.
It was like watching the eTrade commercials, you hear the words, you see the lips move but something doesn't seem quite right. But, I did hear it and see it. "Oh, yeah!" Luke said and then continued bouncing. You could have knocked me over with a feather.
My baby has not spoken since that day, at least I haven;t heard him. John may be teaching him Spanish now for all I know. But, I have down in his baby book that at 24 weeks his first words were "Oh, yeah!"
Tuesday, January 5, 2010
New Year's Resolution
I have been inspired by my friend Keri, whom I do not get to spend enough time with but whom I follow via her blog http://tiddytales.blogspot.com. Keri posted her goals for 2010, and I was moved to evaluate my own plans for this new year.
One of the underlying themes of my life since Luke was born is the guilt and conflict many Moms face when they go back to work. On one hand it is often a financial necessity. On the other, there is a very small person who is unable to speak for him/herself, but who clearly needs his/her Mom.
At this point in time, me not working is not financially possible. But Keri's blog really made me think about whether me not working could ever be financially possible. I have taken stock of what I spend, and I was a little surprised by how much of it was on items that are not truly necessary. The majority of my monthly spend is on convenience and instant gratification items. When I totalled up what I have to pay for bills, vehicle and grocery expenses, the number is significantly lower than what I had in my mind.
So, my goal for this year is to cut out the fat completely. I am looking at this as a cleansing and focusing opportunity and possibly a spiritual one. It will be a daily meditation on what I truly need rather than what I want. It is going to be hard. It is only the second day of my efforts, and it is already hard.
Although I haven't even been to a store, there is something about knowing that I am limiting my spend that already feels like a strangle hold. It is this feeling that makes me know that I need to do this. I should be able to do this. I will let you know how I do this.
One of the underlying themes of my life since Luke was born is the guilt and conflict many Moms face when they go back to work. On one hand it is often a financial necessity. On the other, there is a very small person who is unable to speak for him/herself, but who clearly needs his/her Mom.
At this point in time, me not working is not financially possible. But Keri's blog really made me think about whether me not working could ever be financially possible. I have taken stock of what I spend, and I was a little surprised by how much of it was on items that are not truly necessary. The majority of my monthly spend is on convenience and instant gratification items. When I totalled up what I have to pay for bills, vehicle and grocery expenses, the number is significantly lower than what I had in my mind.
So, my goal for this year is to cut out the fat completely. I am looking at this as a cleansing and focusing opportunity and possibly a spiritual one. It will be a daily meditation on what I truly need rather than what I want. It is going to be hard. It is only the second day of my efforts, and it is already hard.
Although I haven't even been to a store, there is something about knowing that I am limiting my spend that already feels like a strangle hold. It is this feeling that makes me know that I need to do this. I should be able to do this. I will let you know how I do this.
Tuesday, December 15, 2009
Boots & Beds
Yesterday was a big day at our house. I rearrange our sleeping situation so that our mattress is now on the floor and Luke's is right next to ours. I have to thank my friend Keri for that. I was at her house and saw her arrangement. I am hoping this helps create a little more Independence between Luke and myself. Although, I think if he went cold turkey needing me during the night I would cry. Last night he didn't disappoint. He cuddled all night, but we had more room, which I know had to be nice for John and kept me from having nightmares of Luke falling out of the bed.
Yesterday also brought a huge surprise from John. I have been coveting these 70's retro UGG cowboy boots for more than a year. I saw them a Binks in downtown Franklin two summers ago, and they brought me back to the days of Olivia Newton John. They were so cool, but they were also so expensive. I have an issue with paying a lot of money for clothing items. Add that to the fact that I am not a big shopper, and you have someone who only buys stuff at Target when she desperately needs something to wear.
But, I actually considered purchasing these boots. They went on sale in the Fall, they were still really high, but I thought, "Hey. I'm worth it." Unfortunately, as these things often go, they did not have my size. I chalked it up to savings that I probably needed and forgot about the boots.
Then yesterday when I got home, John said he had a surprise for me. He pulled out a bag and inside was an UGG box. I knew immediately what it had to be. I opened the box and inside were two perfectly brand new UGG 70's retro cowboy boots in a perfect size 9. I couldn't believe my eyes. I put those suckers on, and I have to tell you that they fit like a glove.
He told me that he had been searching for them since I saw them in the store. They don't make the style any more, but he was able to find them on eBay. He had hoped to have them for me as a gift when Luke was born. It may sound silly, but these shoes from that man at that moment are the most romantic thing he has ever done. It meant so much to me that he remembered, he searched for them, and that he knew how much I wanted them but would never spend the money on myself. I have them boots on as I write this.
So, I'm sleeping on the floor with my beautiful boots on.
Yesterday also brought a huge surprise from John. I have been coveting these 70's retro UGG cowboy boots for more than a year. I saw them a Binks in downtown Franklin two summers ago, and they brought me back to the days of Olivia Newton John. They were so cool, but they were also so expensive. I have an issue with paying a lot of money for clothing items. Add that to the fact that I am not a big shopper, and you have someone who only buys stuff at Target when she desperately needs something to wear.
But, I actually considered purchasing these boots. They went on sale in the Fall, they were still really high, but I thought, "Hey. I'm worth it." Unfortunately, as these things often go, they did not have my size. I chalked it up to savings that I probably needed and forgot about the boots.
Then yesterday when I got home, John said he had a surprise for me. He pulled out a bag and inside was an UGG box. I knew immediately what it had to be. I opened the box and inside were two perfectly brand new UGG 70's retro cowboy boots in a perfect size 9. I couldn't believe my eyes. I put those suckers on, and I have to tell you that they fit like a glove.
He told me that he had been searching for them since I saw them in the store. They don't make the style any more, but he was able to find them on eBay. He had hoped to have them for me as a gift when Luke was born. It may sound silly, but these shoes from that man at that moment are the most romantic thing he has ever done. It meant so much to me that he remembered, he searched for them, and that he knew how much I wanted them but would never spend the money on myself. I have them boots on as I write this.
So, I'm sleeping on the floor with my beautiful boots on.
Tuesday, December 8, 2009
Thanksgiving & Baptisim Weekend
This Thanksgiving weekend was a whirlwind of activity. We spent Thanksgiving Day with my family: Parents, my sister Jennifer, her husband Stephen, and their children: Ethan, Isabelle, and Elijah, and my sister Erin. Mom cooked, we ate, and played chardes with the kids. We are probably the only family where chardes can turn into a wild and crazy game. Luke managed to sleep through the entire thing, which was amazing considering the volume level.
Saturday night we spent with John's family: Parents, brother Michael, and sister Sarah who flew in from LA Thanksgivign night. Luke was really good, and everyone got to hold him and spend time with th enew edition to the family.
Sunday, we had Luke's Baptism. I don;t know what I was expecting, but I know I was not expecting to be so moved by the service. When Rev. Highes presented Luke to the congregation and referenced John and I as his parents, it seemed so amazing. It was our first public moment as our own little family, and it was really special. I don;t think there was a dry eye in the crowd. John's brother Michael and my sister Erin stood up with us as Godparents to Luke, even though the Presbyterians don't typically recognize the tradition.
Afterward, we went back to our house and had a really lovely gathering with both families. John's Aunt and Uncle came from Kentucky, and it was a really nice time. I am so glad we did it. Luke was perfect. Right on schedule, he slept through church, but he was awake and ready for the pictures and the party after.
Saturday night we spent with John's family: Parents, brother Michael, and sister Sarah who flew in from LA Thanksgivign night. Luke was really good, and everyone got to hold him and spend time with th enew edition to the family.
Sunday, we had Luke's Baptism. I don;t know what I was expecting, but I know I was not expecting to be so moved by the service. When Rev. Highes presented Luke to the congregation and referenced John and I as his parents, it seemed so amazing. It was our first public moment as our own little family, and it was really special. I don;t think there was a dry eye in the crowd. John's brother Michael and my sister Erin stood up with us as Godparents to Luke, even though the Presbyterians don't typically recognize the tradition.
Afterward, we went back to our house and had a really lovely gathering with both families. John's Aunt and Uncle came from Kentucky, and it was a really nice time. I am so glad we did it. Luke was perfect. Right on schedule, he slept through church, but he was awake and ready for the pictures and the party after.
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