Getting Healthy During COVID

I among many, many others, find myself out of work during this unprecedented time. Prior to COVID, I had spent the past year in a new position. A promotion that I had been wanting for a very long time. An opportunity to do things the way I wanted when it came to team building and creating a culture of trust and collaboration.

However, I was not very healthy emotionally, and I had been drinking fairly heavily so that when the duties of this new role came into play, I had just one more reason to spiral deeper down that rabbit hole of negative, unhealthy reward.

Being furloughed by COVID after working 14+ hours days leading up to that confidence crushing event had me doubling down on my efforts to dull the depression.

I knew I needed a reboot, and I tried a few diets like low carb/keto to try and get me jump started. But to be honest, all of the cheese and very few of the vegetables that I normally ate (spinach, broccoli, mushrooms, etc) had me not feeling great and the results were non-existent.

Then I listed to "Finding Ultra" on Audible. It was one of the free downloads, otherwise I would not have listed to it. Audible starting offering all of their originals for free during COVID, and I had been taking advantage since I had so much time on my hands.

Rich Roll takes you through his struggles with alcohol, embrace of a vegan diet and ultimately to today where he is an ultra athlete. As I had already stopped eating red meat along time ago, ate very little chicken, I figured I could try and cut out the fish in my diet, replacing it with things I had dropped like nuts and carbs like brown rice and whole wheat pasta.

I had always been an on again off again runner, but I struggled to run in the heat. In "Finding ultra" Rich mentioned that when he first started training with his coach, he had to drop down to a very slow pace (heart rate below 140), and this struck a chord with me - go slow to go fast/far.  I began to enjoy the run (really at my pace slow jog) because I was not gaping for air. I started adding miles even during the oppressive Middle TN May/ June heat.

I am officially on day 12 of what I call vegetarian with no dairy. I do not eat meat,poultry or fish, but I do eat eggs. I do not eat any dairy of any kind. I feel really energized. I have been embracing whole foods and hings like kombucha, which I have never had. I document at the end what I ate the day before.

• PS - this is not a diet plan, and this is more a reflection of what I like to eat/the fact tat it is too hot to cook anything elaborate.
• PPS - I plan to weigh in at two weeks,

Meals June 6, 2020:

• Green smoothie with: avocado, NUTZZ mixed nuts nut butter, chia and hemp seeds, spinach, almond milk
• Two egg omelette, spinach, avocado, salsa
• Sprouted brown rice, red bell pepper, spinach, hemp seeds, walnuts, kimchi

M Train

I am reading "M Train" for what I think is the second time. For the life of me, I can't remember when I bought it - let alone read it. Maybe I picked it up in an airport in one of those news stands that's more pharmacy/candy shop than anything.

I do recall being delighted by the book the first time I read it, and I am delighted by it now. That to me is the definition of a good book, Even though my mind, before I started reading it again, didn't even know that I had ought it or if it was one of John's books - as soon as I read the first line, my love for this book came flooding back.

Patti Smith's prose is so striking that it cuts you to core and vibrates there. I find myself rereading sentences just because they are so beautiful. I can't imagine being able to write like that.

The book is about nothing and everything - I want to wrap myself inside it.

I will reread it as soon as I am done and stop at her first reference of a book or author and read one of their works ... maybe then I can be close to living in Patti's world.

Ava's GachaLife

Ava likes to watch these shows on YouTube call GachaLife. They are high drama, dealing with a lot of difficult situations or topics. She reminds me of me as that is why I loved watching soaps with my mother and reading Sweet Valley High.

She sang to me last night before we went to bed. She sings off key, but she is committed and she knows a lot of the words. She even made up her won song for me. Se is the sweetest.

One of her go-to songs is "Fly me to the moon." I have no idea where she heard such an oldie, but I snap along as she sings.

I am spending less time with Luke these days, which I think is to be expected. However, he is still so sweet and will periodically check on me when one of his calls with his friends ends. He will come and give me a hug and say, "How are you doing Mom?" I am so grateful for the two f them, and I am also grateful for this time with them.

I am grateful that I did the work in the past so that I meet them where they are and they feel unconditional love. I am still working on my temper and it flares up when I am frustrated, but I will continue to do the work because what I want most in my life is to have a strong, loving, healthy  relationship with them.

And I need to do the same work with John. There is a larger deficit there. But I do not think it is insurmountable.

My Porch

For years I have longed for you

Each time we scooted through the door ladened with packages or escaping the downpour

You are wide and deep and a shelter from the sun and rain

How quickly I ave made you my daily companion

My bird watching post

My throne from which to watch all of the happenings of the street

Ava in the Morning

Her breath is warm and smells of sleep

Her legs long across my body almost touch the ground

How short a time ago they only reached my lap

I tell her I am grateful for her

because that is the only thing close enough to how this feels

Yes, I love her

but I am grateful that she is she and allows me to be this close

Waiting

As a child...

Waiting was my father frustratingly saying "if you need the answer now, it is 'no.' If you wait until tomorrow, the answer is 'maybe.'"

Now...

Waiting is my sign... To stop from saying what will only start a fight

Waiting  is my guide ... To what could be by not wrapping up in what has to be

Waiting is my answer.... To questions that life continues to throw

Waiting is my teacher... How to calm my heart and mind

Grown-Up Love

I am being wooed

By a Pansy

A Stick in the Mud

A Shadow of a Slip

I am being wooed

By a yellow faced flower

A serpentine spruce

A delicate orchid

I am being wooed

By a man who does not say much

Actions that speak for themselves

And a love that is fragile and strong