Mommies need play dates more than babies, especially in the beginning. I was fortunate enough to have a play date today with my fried Keri, her daughter Kate (1 year), and a friend from Grad. School Christy.
This play date was needed more than I thought imaginable. The secret to keeping it together when attempting to navigate the first years of child rearing is talking with other women who can honestly speak about their experiences. All Moms need to know that it is OK that they some time lose their cool and that they are not the first to feel overwhelmed when a new baby comes into their life.
I just want to thank Keri for her honesty, her guidance, and her inspiration.
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Sara, I was honestly worried that I was too honest with you especially since we haven't been in touch in so long. I think part of me really craves to be honest with someone who will understand and not criticize me. You are easy to open to and be honest with. Being a mom is HARD and I don't feel like I am a natural born mother, so I have to work a lot to be the nurturer Kate needs. I am learning so much every day though and feel like things are getting better and easier all the time.
ReplyDeleteI know you will be busy with school and all but we need to meet up again some Saturday. Luke is a cutie and so good. You are truly blessed.
I, too, am so glad we had such a heated and healthy debate about issues that matter to us. I know the conversation was tough (and long), but it brought up so many emotions for me that needed to be addressed. So much has changed in four years, but I think it's incredible that we could come together and laugh and eat soup and laugh and argue about important things in our lives. I think we should have those discussions even when (or actually especially when) those discussions bring up values, opinions, and belief systems that collide. When I stand back and look at it, though, I see lots of important connections that bring three strong women together at such disparate places. I don't have a child and motherhood is rather foreign to me. I experience it, though, in the faces of my brother and sister-in-law who have had such a tough year juggling work with child-rearing and dealing with financial woes and deep personal fears for simple things like safety and shelter that I take for granted and that are beyond my comprehension...and I experience it in the faces of my parents who through sickness and financial woes of their own have supported my dreams unconditionally through successes and failures and never once complained. I can never repay their sacrifice or ease the pain I've caused them. In a very real way, I can never repay the "student loan" that they dish out to me so unselfishly. Still, I find hope and healing in the faces of their grandchildren. They wear them out, but they're good medicine for them (and me). None of these vicarious experiences can measure up to what the two of you do to raise a child in this day and age at the same time that you strive to succeed professionally and intellectually in a very taxing and demanding world of academia. I can only imagine and admire from a distance, but I value you both and am grateful for the day we spent together. Love you both,
ReplyDeleteCristy :)
One last thing that was on my heart this morning as I prepare to worship God is that, Sara and Keri, both of you have (as I know from the friendship that you've demonstrated to me) nurturing natures that demonstrate love and compassion for others. Your children will grow to love you for it. Keri, I remember you saying that you didn't see yourself as social. Sara, you often think you talk too much. I dare to disagree. You're social and private in your own way. Keri, you carry on a great conversation with me and I've seen the side of you that talks to your students and mentours your peers and tries to seek other people who can share your same experiences. You do all that in a quiet, subtle way that isn't domineering, but still powerful. And Sara, you are articulate beyond measure and bold in expressing opinions. I think you give yourself creidt for that. But I also see a side of you that listens and takes to heart things I reveal to you in private. I always get the impression that you walk away from arguments and contemplate them in tranquility. For the longest time, I thought my mom wasn't a nurturer. I still get upset when she doesn't see my tears. It's just not her personality. And I get upset with my dad because he seldom says he's sorry and most always believes he's right...But for all their imperfections (and I'm not saying that they shouldn't work on those things-- or it could be that I need to look past them) I still love the people they are by nature. And though I don't often agree with the responses I get when I share myself with them, the truest testament to what they've provided me with is revealed in the fact that age 30, home remains for me the place I go running to when I fall down. So I admire both of your efforts to network and research and learn and share with each other and with other moms...I just want to offer another challenge that suggests that you don't have to work so hard to be the person that your children need. God gave you that instinct, and you're exercising it wonderfully, and your children will love you for the YOU that is YOU when you're not thinking about it at all.
ReplyDeleteSarah- Your Taylor Swift song (and your post about mommies and play dates) reminded me of this song. I'll just share the lyrics of one verse and the chorus because I'm not smart enough to know how to post a link that you can click on! Anyway, I think it touches on something that you, Keri, and myself all have in common:
ReplyDeleteLately, I've been winning battles left and right
But even winners can get wounded in the fight.
People say that I'm amazing Strong beyond my years
But they don't say that deep inside I'm holding all the tears
And they don't know...That I go running home
when I fall down.
And they don't know...Who picks me up when noone is around
I drop my sword and cry for just a while
Cause deep inside this armor The warrior (is a child).
haha, Sara, I just realized that we both added an 'h' to each other's names! I want to come to your house in Franklin and see Luke again and I want you to serve me coffe :) And I not shut up till Keri takes me! Although I promise to be calm and peaceful and enjoy a real play date. Love you Sara, Love you Keri.
ReplyDelete